she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i've created a new STD.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
