Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am spending my child support on dildos
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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