i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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