Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
