i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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