he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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