either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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