i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
