her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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