Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
