i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
