Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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