She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
