Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
