walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
