every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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