Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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