i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
