I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
