Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!