My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
