i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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