Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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