no, he came in my armpit
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
