Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
