I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
