there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
