I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
