I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
