the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
