this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
3 2 1 whiskey
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
