Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
