I'm going to jail i love you
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
