dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
