it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
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also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
where are my eyebrows?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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