Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
