Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
