I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
