I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
