Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize