i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
