Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
3 2 1 whiskey
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
