New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
