nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
