i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.