we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
