I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
