Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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