Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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