i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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