My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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