Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
