i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
