Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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