It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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