I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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