That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
